Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
