All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
