What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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