I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
