There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
