I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize