I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
