Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
