Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
