how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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