oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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