So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
