I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
