You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
