playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
