Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize