Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
