well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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