the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
