so explain again why im purple
no
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
