She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
