Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He did a backflip because drugs
I did not marry a roomba.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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