do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
