I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
