I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
