I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
