Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
