I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
