Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
