So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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