if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
