it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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