Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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