Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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