6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize