I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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