I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
