It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
