dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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