I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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