my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
