For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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