My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm too high and old for this...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize