Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
