he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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