Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
