is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
