You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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