walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
