It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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