dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
