i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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