He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
being pregnant is like rehab
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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