Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
