Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
