His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
