This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
