We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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