Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize