I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
