I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize