best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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