I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
