her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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