You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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