did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize