I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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