I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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