dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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