mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
