once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
