So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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