Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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