I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
