if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Actions speak louder than pants.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
