I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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