Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
