I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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