Where did you get a picture of my penis
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
