Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
