Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
