Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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