worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
