Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
