I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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