So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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