my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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