I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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