What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
