"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
